Domestic Bliss?

OK, I haven't worked (at a job and got paid for it) for just over 2 months and 2 weeks... We have occupied the house for 5 weeks. In that time, my parents have visited (more like slave labor), I hosted a small Derby Party, and have mostly moved in (Hondo really has no idea where anything is). I watch my nieces 1-2 times a week, and visit my sister and family almost every weekend. I also got a job (Rehab Institute of St. Louis - basically the Healthsouth in St. Louis), but am still awaiting background checks before I can start working.

So, why am i so depressed?


I haven't even showered today. It's not that I don't have anything to do! One side of me is making eternal plans with lists for taking down wallpaper, remodeling the kitchen, organizing the basement, painting walls, and decorating. The other side is surfing the Internet and watching TV all day. Nothing looks good to eat, nothing to watch. Short attention span, jealousy of those around me who are motivated.

Will having a job and getting paid help? That's not really what I WANT to do - is it? I just can't seem to find my bliss. I just keep thinking how lucky I am - who wouldn't kill to have a couple of months off from work to move in their house. Nothing gave me more satisfaction when I was working full-time than to get stuff done around the house (groceries, cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, home renovations). Now I have trouble motivating myself to start a load of laundry or pick up the vacuum cleaner.

So, being a PT doesn't make me happy and being a housewife doesn't make me happy. How do I find out what motivates me? When will I be motivated by positive energy to get out of bed instead of being driven by guilt (Hondo is working so hard, so get your lazy ass out of bed and cook/clean/be domestic)? Will it be different when i have a child - or will i feel just as lazy and useless? Will I be creative and inspire joy in my children or will i be bored and whiny?

Am I supposed to find happiness in domesticity?